31 May 2016

Thank you



When the current leg of my journey through life began I was drawn to start writing a book. Ever since I was 9 years old I have felt called to write a book and began the project many times but didn't ever get around to finishing it.  Over time I heard that urge less and less and then one day I wondered why I had never done it.  I took the plunge and wrote thousands of pages of poems, verses, stories and my thoughts.  I even joined a fabulous little writers group and spent many months sharing amazing things with incredible writers.  At one point we created a book together for survivors of child sexual assault and I was so proud and amazed of my contribution that I got copies for all of my family to see.  I ran home and re-read my pages and realised I didn't want to share it with my family at all.  Yes it was an amazing article.  Yes I was proud of having finally found my voice.  Yes I was excited to help others.  My dilemma was that this piece I had written was damning and blaming and not very loving at all.  In context it was great but my family did not yet have the context that I had when I wrote it and to be honest, I'd healed more since then and no longer felt the same way about the part I once thought my family had played in my pain.  I kept the book and decided not to give copies to my family.

Eventually I was drawn elsewhere and after much study I was invited to write a training manual.  I was so excited and grateful and I spent hours researching it, writing and re-writing it, ensuring it was as first-rate as any I had read.  I even ensured it had a level of integrity that matched the philosophies of the company who had hired me to write it.   The manual was very well received and I felt quite confident that it was of a high enough quality to bring honour to the organization I wrote it for.  I received great feedback and wondered again if I could perhaps write my own book.  I began an online blog and made a few attempts but it never really took off.  The manual then went through a metamorphosis of sorts and became something else that had less integrity and and I became glad I was not identified as the author as it was no longer even factual.  I was mortified and I began to doubt my own ability to write anything that others might want to read.  Then my big breakthrough came.

Last year when I began deconstructing my ego through self-love, I was offered the chance to write more manuals for the same company again and I declined.  I knew that I couldn't do it again.  I just knew that it would not feel good so I honoured myself and said no.  That wasn't easy for me as I'd learned that saying yes was the only way to be liked in that world.  What I hadn't fully learned yet was that making sure my 'no' was heard would make me like myself more.  I had gotten good at saying no but I found it was always ignored, discounted or challenged.  I've come to see that those behaviours from others were simply reflections of how I judged myself for saying no and I'm grateful for the lessons.  I felt the pull again to write - for myself.

I did what I know to do, I started journaling again.  I wrote out every thought, every feeling, every experience I had for months.  I cried, screamed, laughed, sobbed, roared, giggled and slept and I healed.  I brought myself alive through the words on the pages and this time I began adding photos to my journal.  I began using more of my brain to create my 'book'.  I again felt a pull to "write the book."

As I had many times before, I re-read my old attempts at starting a book and saw how much healing I had done with each one.  I decided none of them reflected who I am now and wondered how I would ever be able to do this.  Then one day I realised that I only had to write the book, I didn't have to let anyone else read it or get it published!  The book was born and I'm still on the journey of that, it is creating itself as books do and I'm enjoying each step of that process.  I'm now up to 58,000 words and almost finished but I'm not pressuring myself either.  

My biggest surprise has been online.  My higher power told me to create a new Facebook page to share myself with the world. "All you really have to share is you so share that" were the words of my message.  I was horrified at first I mean, I'd been ultra-paranoid for years and didn't even like my photo being seen.  Why on earth would I want to expose my deepest self to the entire world and not be able to control who saw it?  I set that one down on the 'way too hard for me' pile and kept journalling.  As usually happens for me, that didn't last long as the pull came more strongly and more often to create a new page and share myself on it.  I flew up onto my head and analysed all the possible problems I could foresee, reasons not to do it, but there was something changing inside me too so I couldn't stay there long.  I began having the experience of people telling me I should write about my experiences or that I should write a book and I would give them some flippant, dry retort.  In my minds eye though, I could see very well that this was more pulling and that I needed to honour it.  (If you've ever experienced these types of pulls, you may have also learned how great things go if you do actually follow them).

I created the new page, resurrected my old blog and set up an Instagram account too.  Each day I ask for inner guidance on what to write and I share some part of my experience of healing, growth, existence with you.  Each day I learn something new about myself and the world by doing it.  Each day I find something else to love about us all, something else to let go of and something profound about life itself.  

I used to worry that although over 200 people read my posts each day, they don't get shared and they only get likes on Instagram but I realised that was my egos fear, not mine.  I get private messages thanking me for sharing myself because it is helping others to heal too and that for me is the greatest gift of sharing.  Knowing that one person can and does make a difference just by being myself is what I hope the whole world can learn one day.  We can all make a difference and I hope that by my sharing this with you today, you can see the huge difference that you are making in my world.  Thank you for being you too.
πŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ’œ

At+Onement 

Http://jhundip.blogspot.com/

#love #light #innerchild #soul #angels #mindfulness #gratitude #healing #trauma #depression #selflove #inspiration #quote #selfworth #inspiringquotes #spirit #ascension #awakening #raiseyourvibration #spiritualhealing #neuroscienceinaction

30 May 2016



I've now spent 9 months devoted to learning to love myself with compassion and I must  say that I had not expected that happening in the future I had previously envisioned.  I actually thought that I loved myself enough before but the level of self love I am achieving now is mind-boggling at times.  So much of my past has arisen again to be let go of.  I had worked through so much already and felt very confident that those things that once haunted me were fully resolved as they did not trigger reactions within me anymore.  What I had not known was that those things could present in a way as to now be positives.

Knowing my past self as I do (with love), if anyone had told me that one day I would not only forgive the people who hurt me but that I would also be able to feel grateful for what happened, I would have reacted very very rudely.  I am stunned and amazed at my capacity for love as I can honestly say that is the person I am now.  Dealing with my pain at a Soul level has changed me forever and I not only truly love who I am right now, I also adore my past self and all other beings for the chance I now have to be me.  I have faced the shades of who I am and learned to love all that arises.  The lessons now are to simply see myself reflecting back from the world around me and love that too.  My brain still reacts in its old ways of taking things personally but I am now able to observe those reactions instead of becoming them.  This observing creates a space to feel my feelings without judgment or attachment and look for the reflection.  No pressure, worry, criticism or expectations on myself, just patient awareness and interest.

Re-birthing at this capacity is amazing and intriguing.  Allowing myself to experience divine unity has created opportunities I never imagined before.  Allowing my heart to open fully to myself is even more rewarding than loving others is.  I was just telling my husband last night that although I have been skilled at feeling things like sadness, grief, anger, guilt, despair, fear, terror and the like for quite some time now, the feelings I'm having now of gratitude, bliss, peace, love, compassion and devotion are at times very overwhelming.  The beautiful thing is that I know how to get through it because I put it out their while leading a workshop for young women about 8 years ago.  I was told by a person in authority that I was wrong so I stopped believing it.  Now I can see that happened because I myself thought that way about it.  I thought I was wrong and so I drew the reflection of that from that person.  There is no blame and I am feeling so grateful right now to recognise the learning.  I have had such doubt about myself in my life and it's time I trusted myself and learned to stand even more firmly in that trust than ever.

Last week my heart told me what I need and I went into fear, trying to think and rationalise reasons to doubt it.  A whole bunch of little things went awry and even though I received many signs to move forward, I still hesitated and questioned.  Today I decided to give myself permission to say yes and the reaction I got was a perfect reflection for my own doubts.  That helped me so much to see how irrational my fear is and now I have stepped forward.  I have no expectation of the outcome, I just needed to tell myself yes and now I have.  Within 20 minutes of that, I got a fabulous gift out of the blue.  These are the signs I love to receive and stay attuned to now every day, more reasons to trust myself.

At+Onement 


#love #light #innerchild #soul #angels #mindfulness #gratitude #healing #trauma #depression #selflove #inspiration #quote #selfworth #inspiringquotes #spirit #ascension #awakening #raiseyourvibration #spiritualhealing #neuroscienceinaction

29 May 2016



I've now spent 9 months devoted to learning to love myself with compassion and I must  say that I had not expected that happening in the future I had previously envisioned.  I actually thought that I loved myself enough before but the level of self love I am achieving now is mind-boggling at times.  So much of my past has arisen again to be let go of.  I had worked through so much already and felt very confident that those things that once haunted me were fully resolved as they did not trigger reactions within me anymore.  What I had not known was that those things could present in a way as to now be positives.

Knowing my past self as I do (with love), if anyone had told me that one day I would not only forgive the people who hurt me but that I would also be able to feel grateful for what happened, I would have reacted very very rudely.  I am stunned and amazed at my capacity for love as I can honestly say that is the person I am now.  Dealing with my pain at a Soul level has changed me forever and I not only truly love who I am right now, I also adore my past self and all other beings for the chance I now have to be me.  I have faced the shades of who I am and learned to love all that arises.  The lessons now are to simply see myself reflecting back from the world around me and love that too.  My brain still reacts in its old ways of taking things personally but I am now able to observe those reactions instead of becoming them.  This observing creates a space to feel my feelings without judgment or attachment and look for the reflection.  No pressure, worry, criticism or expectations on myself, just patient awareness and interest.

Re-birthing at this capacity is amazing and intriguing.  Allowing myself to experience divine unity has created opportunities I never imagined before.  Allowing my heart to open fully to myself is even more rewarding than loving others is.  I was just telling my husband last night that although I have been skilled at feeling things like sadness, grief, anger, guilt, despair, fear, terror and the like for quite some time now, the feelings I'm having now of gratitude, bliss, peace, love, compassion and devotion are at times very overwhelming.  The beautiful thing is that I know how to get through it because I put it out their while leading a workshop for young women about 8 years ago.  I was told by a person in authority that I was wrong so I stopped believing it.  Now I can see that happened because I myself thought that way about it.  I thought I was wrong and so I drew the reflection of that from that person.  There is no blame and I am feeling so grateful right now to recognise the learning.  I have had such doubt about myself in my life and it's time I trusted myself and learned to stand even more firmly in that trust than ever.

Last week my heart told me what I need and I went into fear, trying to think and rationalise reasons to doubt it.  A whole bunch of little things went awry and even though I received many signs to move forward, I still hesitated and questioned.  Today I decided to give myself permission to say yes and the reaction I got was a perfect reflection for my own doubts.  That helped me so much to see how irrational my fear is and now I have stepped forward.  I have no expectation of the outcome, I just needed to tell myself yes and now I have.  Within 20 minutes of that, I got a fabulous gift out of the blue.  These are the signs I love to receive and stay attuned to now every day, more reasons to trust myself.

At+Onement 

#love #light #innerchild #soul #angels #mindfulness #gratitude #healing #trauma #depression #selflove #inspiration #quote #selfworth #inspiringquotes #spirit #ascension #awakening #raiseyourvibration #spiritualhealing #neuroscienceinaction

28 May 2016

Gratitude



I remember the first time I heard of keeping a gratitude journal.  The idea was to write down five things each day that I felt grateful for.  I felt despair when I realised that I could not think of five things.  Luckily I was learning to only take tiny, baby steps with myself so I began writing down just 1 thing I felt grateful for each day.  

That was 9 years ago and today I have been able to achieve a state of being where I feel grateful for everything in my world.  Once I began trying to, wanting to and focusing on feeling grateful, my brain kicked in to help.  Once I accepted what I could do instead of despairing about what I could not do there were fewer things on the list of things I could not do.

I've learned that the only thing that ever stops me is me.......Cont'd at....  

At+Onement 

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#love #light #innerchild #soul #angels #mindfulness #gratitude #healing #trauma #depression #selflove #inspiration #quote #selfworth #inspiringquotes #spirit #ascension #awakening #raiseyourvibration #spiritualhealing #neuroscienceinaction#body #clusterheadaches #grateful #joy #health

26 May 2016

I love my body



This week my mind has been particularly drawn to a moment in my past where the hatred I had for myself was so strong that I almost died.  I had stopped smoking 9 months earlier and had changed my lifestyle further by eating much more healthily and exercising every day while working a 7 day/12hr roster and raising 2 kids.  I was so exhausted that all of this took every bit of energy I had and there was no time or energy for things that brought me joy at all.  At that time I did not know what I did or didn't like anyway so it may not have mattered if I had the energy or not but, it was certainly not healthy or helpful to live the way that I was living.  Having been fixated on my weight and appearance for years, I suddenly began gaining weight.  I got another round of cluster headaches and this time the dr gave me steroids for that so I gained 6 kilos in 1 week and freaked right out.  The dr told me I could not stop taking them suddenly but had to 'wean' myself off them so I hated myself some more for listening to the dr in the first place and taking the pills when I knew in my heart they would not stop the pain.  Over 12 weeks I gained 50 kgs!! Then one day I was more exhausted than ever and about 11am my feet were really hurting.  It felt like every step I took was over broken glass and I was at work till 7pm so, I had a few harsh words with myself, undid my laces and pulled my feet up onto the cushioned tops of the boots and kept working.  All day I scolded myself for being weak, a sook, useless, lazy and fat.  When I got home, ready to make dinner, I suddenly found I just HAD to lay down on the couch.  I fell onto it terrified that I would be in trouble for not being busy and figured that as it was only for a few minutes, I could make up the time if needed.  I was mortified 15 minutes later when I tried to get up and found that I could not even raise my head, my muscles would not work.  I burst into tears and collapsed back onto the pillow with guess what running through my head?  More self criticism and self hatred.

I lay on that lounge for almost 2 whole days crying, only able to hobble to the toilet and back.  My 8 year old daughter took care of me and her brother for the entire weekend and I felt so awful knowing my children were caring for me.  I vowed to see a dr as soon as I could and get well.  First thing Monday I went to the dr and they ran some tests, calling me back the very next day to tell me my thyroid was so overactive that I was dying and had to immediately see an endocrinologist and have nuclear tests done within the hour.  That scared me, and my sister too as I had to call her to drive me.  She's a nurse and when she saw me, she went white!!  I was too miserable to do much more than cry and hate myself even more for being a burden on others.

I still have my thyroid intact to this day.  It took a few months to get my health back and I still have annual tests to check on it but it's okay.  With all of the growth I've been experiencing this past year, my thyroid is peaking a little but it's okay.  The dr is not worried and neither am I.  The weight stayed with me no matter what I tried and I eventually accepted that I just need to love that too.  Of course I'd like to weigh 50kgs less, I love life and want to live a long time.  I no longer have any hatred for my body because of its size though.  I realised yesterday that my inner child has thought that being the size I am makes me Buddha-like so some of it may shift but I'm not going to attach any expectation to that.

I have eaten only  fresh, healthy food for 6 months and am moving more and yet I've gained about 15 more kilos so it can hardly be my diet and exercise that is to blame.  I also see a great dietician who is very impressed with my lifestyle.  As my mind clears and my spirit soars, I know I will have whatever body is right for me and the one that I have now is it.  I love my body, I'm caring for my body and I'm finally IN my body so I am feeling really content with me right now and I'm sincerely grateful to my body for all of the work it has done getting me to the age I'm now at with all the hate I shoveled into it and onto it over 46 years.  Thank you body, you're Divine and I adore you.

At+Onement 

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#love #light #innerchild #soul #angels #mindfulness #gratitude #healing #trauma #depression #selflove #inspiration #quote #selfworth #inspiringquotes #spirit #ascension #awakening #raiseyourvibration #spiritualhealing #neuroscienceinaction

25 May 2016

Self love



I had spent decades hating myself with a passion and when I was finally able to escape that prison, I then entered a new cell - blaming.  I blamed others for teaching me how to hate myself and then I was able to transfer my hatred to them, but not for long. Once I became aware of the hate I carried, I wanted it gone.  It did not feel natural to me and yet, I'd carried it for so long, it had actually taken on form in my brain as a habit.  As I blamed, my brain would find any way it could to turn it all back around on me and find some reason to hate myself again, essentially making self-hatred the parent to my inner child.

It is only through a lot of practice, hard work, determination, self-love and courage that I am changing this now thoroughly.  I WANT to change it and I am and in changing it, miracles are unfolding in my life every day.  Not only have I been able to forgive the people and situations that I once blamed for my pain and suffering, I also now see that I gained my greatest learning from them.  They have been my greatest teachers in this life and no matter how I look at it today, with so much love for myself, I can see those other people and situations with love too.  

It feels so fabulous to be the me that I am right now.  Even though I once hated myself so much I didn't even breathe in air fully, I still knew somewhere inside that I was the me I am now. I always felt like no one saw who I really was but it wasn't others who couldn't see the real me, it was me who was blind.  I could only see what I wanted to see and I didn't want to see myself with love.  I had been so terrified of my ego that I tried to not even exist lest my ego existed.  In essence, I had unconsciously believed that: because I was human-I have an ego and - ego is bad so I was bad too -if I am bad, I have no right to exist.  

It seems ludicrous to me looking at that written down which is why I have written it, to see the illusion of it.  With so much focus given to thoughts on today's world, I am so glad to know that I am not my thoughts and I can choose which thoughts I want to have and which thoughts I want to change.  I'm so grateful that I now have the opportunity to embrace my ego and learn to love myself as that - unconditionally too.  I've known for a long time now that I want and need to love everything about myself to be who I know I truly am inside. On this journey from head to heart, if I don't love my ego too, with the same type and amount of love that I have for my beloved babies, my ego will rebel and push against me.  That makes the power all my own.

My ego is not some external foe that I can reflect my self hatred onto.  My ego is the human part of me that has worked tirelessly to keep me safe in whatever way it knows how; the greatest teacher I've ever known that has projected me onto the world so I can see and grow; the driving force behind all of my love, passion and convictions; the core of my integrity.  My ego is me too and has facets that are intriguing, stimulating, ingenious and comforting.  There is no fear in me right now when I think of my ego, there is love and the rememberance of identity - my own.  That my friends is healing.  That is self-love and self respect.  I am me in any moment, free to be whoever I desire to be and right now, all I aspire to be is who I am - me.

At+Onement

#love #light #innerchild #soul #angels #mindfulness #gratitude #healing #trauma #depression #selflove #inspiration #quote #selfworth #inspiringquotes #spirit #ascension #awakening #raiseyourvibration #spiritualhealing #neuroscienceinaction

24 May 2016

Rebirthing



I thought I knew who I was and then I got to know myself on another level.  There is such depth and mystery to my Self and I suspect I have even more to learn about myself yet.  Many times throughout my 20's and 30's, I felt as though I had no idea who I really was.  I had no idea back then what I did or didn't like, or what I did or didn't want.  I was so conditioned to do as I was told that I had almost stopped thinking for myself.  It was a horrid feeling to believe I had no power of any kind and I felt as united with that powerlessness as if I breathed it into my lungs.  In fact I did breathe it in, in the form of cigarettes, for decades.  

When I stopped smoking last August everything changed.  It was amazing because I became aware that I wanted abuse gone from my life for good, that I love myself too much now to let anyone abuse me again.  That's when I really knew that I was abusing myself through smoking and other modern drugs like sugar, chemicals and processed foods.  I'm not unintelligent, I knew these things were not good for me, I just suddenly saw with real certainty that I was abusing myself with them.  I knew then that it had to stop.  I knew then that if I stopped abusing me, no one else would be able to either.  As I took my stand against abuse, I became the change I wanted to see, just like my favourite Ghandi quote.

At+Onement 

#love #light #innerchild #soul #angels #mindfulness #gratitude #healing #trauma #depression #selflove #inspiration #quote #selfworth #inspiringquotes #spirit #ascension #awakening #raiseyourvibration #spiritualhealing #neuroscienceinaction

23 May 2016



For the past 9 months I have been walking the path through the virtually unknown, recognising old truths and awakening to new ones.  It has been a time of great reward and, although I have allowed myself to get quite shaken and distressed at times, that too was part of the process.

I experienced a situation that I perceived as extremely traumatic which opened up the way for me to relive and re-perceive moments from my past.  I knew and prepared for this although I had not seen the possible magnitude of what was to come.  In hindsight, I had been preparing for this my whole life and with focused determination over the past 12 years in particular.  This past 9 months has been fertile with metaphorical symbolism and a pronounced expansion of my awareness.

I want to say that I have changed but the only real change is that I am now feeling more authentically me.  I finally know who I really am and yet my ego would still have me believe that no one else would understand or accept me.  As I emerge from this spiritual womb/cocoon I have been in, I delight in this new awareness I have cultivated.  With a new and devoted appreciation for everything, I can see only this wonderful moment right now existing as my past, present and future and feel the exquisiteness of surrendering to that truth I have found within me.  I spent a lot of time and energy grieving a loss of innocence that I believed had destroyed me.  I can now grieve the attainment of the goal to reclaim that innocence and celebrate the awareness that it was never really lost at all.

In the garden of my Soul the elements of nature work together to nourish & sustain me; to guide, protect and provide.  In the garden of my Soul I have strong roots, a robust stalk and bright blooming flowers that smile at all who pass.  All of nature rejoices in my existence and my heart and mind open in bliss at the chorus of Her song flowing through me and around me.  I am the garden of my Soul and I AM Love.  That is all I ever aspired to be anyway so my needs are met. πŸ’œπŸ’œ

At+Onement 

#love #light #innerchild #soul #angels #mindfulness #gratitude #healing #trauma #depression #selflove #inspiration #quote #selfworth #inspiringquotes #spirit #ascension #awakening #raiseyourvibration #spiritualhealing #neuroscienceinaction

22 May 2016

Garden drew first blood



In the chakra garden yesterday my husband and I were trying to finish boxing off all the beds so we can pull down the hot pink string line we've been lurching and hopping over for the past month.  Like a scene from Entrapment (Sean Connery and Catherine Zeta-Jones), we've squirmed and gyrated through the laser-like strands to dig, hoe and cart supplies getting the beds prepared.  All the while still living life working, volunteering, meditating, eating, sleeping and attending classes.  Yesterday we were boxing off the 2nd last bed and the garden drew first blood - my husband hit his left thumb with the sledgehammer popping it open like a ripe piece of fruit dropped from a great height onto concrete.  I panicked for 1 nanosecond until I saw the incredulous look on his face and knew that a) it was serious and b) his own thinking brain had been shut off by his sympathetic nervous system as he was flooded with adrenalin and endogenous opioids to numb the excruciating pain.  I de-triggered and sought the first aid kit knowing full well it would be useless but trying not to panic either one of us even more.  Oops, no first aid kit handy, oh well band aids, clean paper towel and a bottle of water would have to do.

Once I sat and saw the carnage I knew I wasn't touching it, first aid training veteran or not, this injury needed experts and X-rays.  I told my husband that I was concerned about the pressure there must have been for the energy to burst his thumb open like that and it was not a normal hammer that he'd been using.  He said he needed a few minutes to recover before he stood up so I got ready and greeted the visitors who pulled up in our driveway right then, I'm sure they were angels keeping me occupied while my husband caught his breathe again.

10 minutes later we were on our way, covered in dust and grime and already turning the disaster into comedy hour between us as we drove to the nearest A&E 20 minutes up the road.  It was right on dinner time and thankfully we didn't have to wait long when we arrived.  Seen quickly, wound soaked, dr examined, sent for X-rays, cleaned again, glued, strapped and bandaged.  Home again in 2 hours with a bag of corn chips and my home made pumpkin hummus for dinner as it was too cold and late to either cook on the bbq or light the shower.  Still joking about it all but somber too, we were both asleep by 10.30 dreaming of how blessed we were that no bones or tendons were damaged and reflecting on the lessons learned.

I'll be finishing the garden beds today myself and taking off the laser-like string line while my husband gets the rest that he's earned from all his hard work and support of me.  I'm thanking my God today that my beloved is okay and was not more seriously injured.

At+Onement 

Http://jhundip.blogspot.com/

#love #light #innerchild #soul #angels #mindfulness #gratitude #healing #trauma #depression #selflove #inspiration #quote #selfworth #inspiringquotes #spirit #ascension #awakening #raiseyourvibration #spiritualhealing #neuroscienceinaction


21 May 2016



My chakra garden continues to delight me and stimulate growth within my being.  I've been trying to do deep watering to encourage stronger root growth and yesterday, a whole mass of things came together for me.  In trying to deep water my garden I've actually awoken a deeper knowledge within - this is how I learned to nurture myself.  Those baby plants in my garden are probably too young for deep watering and I have clay soil with no way yet of changing that.  I also have only rainwater with nothing feeding into the tank and I do not have the $100 needed to refill that tank either.  I feel very blessed with the opportunities this is giving me to get creative and reflective.

I am going through a rebirth and have known and accepted that for months now.  In working with my inner child for the past 12 years and learning to successfully re-parent myself with love and compassion, .......Cont'd at............

At+Onement 

#love #light #innerchild #soul #angels #mindfulness #gratitude #healing #trauma #depression #selflove #inspiration #quote #selfworth #inspiringquotes #spirit #ascension #awakening #raiseyourvibration #spiritualhealing #neuroscienceinaction#garden #chakragarden #vegan #consciousness #awareness

20 May 2016



Accelerating through the miasma of moments gone by, I propel myself towards moments yet to come, remembering suddenly that they too are illusions.  This moment is the only moment that truly is right now.

At+Onement 


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#love #light #innerchild #soul #angels #mindfulness #gratitude #healing #trauma #depression #selflove #inspiration #quote #selfworth #inspiringquotes #spirit #ascension #awakening #raiseyourvibration #spiritualhealing #neuroscienceinaction

19 May 2016



So much of my life was spent in fear and even though I have had the courage of gladiators, I've still been so afraid.  I have reached a point now where I am grateful to fear.  I've gone through so much in my life and fear was my constant companion through most of it.  Fear made it possible for me to act or not act when I could not think for myself.  Fear taught me how to dissociate: how to leave my body and compartmentalise my mind.  Fear taught me .........Cont'd at.....

At+Onement 

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18 May 2016



As I learn to love, accept, respect, and trust myself, I am also learning to love, accept, respect, and trust others more.  That's the way that soul reflections work.  What I see or refuse to see in myself, I will attract to me in other people, things, places, experiences and even in my own thoughts until I see my truth.  I am love and all of my life is a journey to remembering that.  

I did not always know it, in fact I was once not aware of it at all.  I lived so deep inside my own being that I .....Cont'd at ....

At+Onement 

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17 May 2016



I long ago learned to accept the benefit and even necessity of going from one extreme to another.  Funnily enough, it is one of the things I used to judge and criticize my mother for.  I perceived that she went from one extreme to another and I called it hypocrisy.  I no longer believe my mother was a hypocrite or a liar or any of the other labels I branded her with.  I am living my own experiences now of going to extremes and I actually believe it is healthy and necessary to go to different extremes so really, my mother was a great example of that.

I now see everything in life existing along a continuum.  When I was young, my attitude was: If I stay put at any one point, I will have no clear perception of any other point.  I may be extremely happy to just stay put in the middle of the continuum or at the far left/right and judge everybody else for being somewhere else (like I used to).  I may even go from point A to point B occasionally, but you'd never catch me going to point K or .......Cont'd at......

At+Onement 


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16 May 2016

Stress



I spent most of my life being what I thought other people wanted me to be because I didn't know any better and I learned a truly valuable lesson from that: it doesn't work.  The only feeling I ever felt was miserable and I didn't know how to change that.  I also didn't know that the things we do habitually, like being who we think other people want us to be - actually rewire our brains.

According to a relatively new science called 'neuroscience', our brains and nervous systems are made up of billions of cells called neurons which talk to each other via the spaces in between them, telling each other whether to get excited or go to sleep, much like if all the people on the planet started to talk to another.  These cells communicate by the use of chemicals and there can be problems with the signals for a vast array of reasons with stress being high on the list but, our brains may also need stress.

When we get stressed, chemicals are released which alter our experience.  The more 'stressed' we become, the more our brain alters our experience of now.  If we are slightly stressed, we might experience a quickened heart beat,  a little more stress may increase our attentive focus on the stressor while disrupting our attention for anything else, still more stress might sharpen our senses noticeably as our brain is preparing for action.  If we experience traumatic stress then our brain may even release naturally occurring opiates to put us into a dream-like or trance-like state so our stress levels will come down again.  

This is because the brain is designed to save us from danger and so it has all manner of abilities at its disposal to do that.  If it perceives an external threat, it throws us into what is known as 'fight or flight' and, when the threat has passed, our brain turns off the alarms and puts us in a state of 'rest & digest'.  If the danger doesn't pass though and the threat is ongoing, the brain continues to alter our experience of now, signaling one group of cells after another to maintain balance as best it can.  If no relief is found, the system goes higher and higher until it is 'in the red' and now it has also become an internal threat.  The brain will send us into 'freeze' here in order to preserve whatever it can.  

I spent 35 years in 'freeze'.  By the age of 35, I had been so traumatized that my brain was constantly anticipating danger even from non-threatening things and that anticipation had become habitual and unconscious so it was imprinted in my instinctual brain.  My brain believed it was normal, helpful and healthy to be terrified of everything!

Of course it was not normal, helpful or healthy and I experienced the ultimate state of 'freeze', I developed lethal physical and mental dis-ease in my brains attempt to save my life.  One by one, various systems in my body shut down and I became suicidal too.  As my physical body screamed out its distress by switching off vital energies in a frantic attempt to rebalance, so my brain also struggled to maintain the correct chemical balance required for healthy thinking.  All focus was now on immediate survival as the perception was that there was no longer a long-term to worry about.  I'm pleased to say that I obviously survived that and, I also have been blessed to learn how my brain works now and can understand it and myself better.  I also have more empathy and compassion for myself and others because one of the side effects of being too stressed is that the parts of the brain that allow us to have empathy and compassion shut down and cease to function. This is why, when we get stressed, we usually get sharp and short, or even cranky with others.  As much as it can be hard to deal with cranky people, neuroscience can help us to recognise their crankiness comes from what's happening in their brain, their stress levels.  This is one of the reasons that people who meditate are often less cranky, their brains have somewhere to park.  

Meditation is the brains 'rest & digest'.  After driving frantically up the freeway of life at breakneck speed with no brakes or airbags, I now regularly  pull over into the 'rest & digest' bay via meditation; light exercise; healthy, high vibrational food; drinking plenty of water; positive thinking techniques and affirmations; self love and; reflective journaling.

Living in 'fight or flight' makes life hard, more stressful and less enjoyable.  I found it easy to tell myself I was happy there for a long time because I didn't know I could change it and because my brain got used to the habit/addiction I had to high levels of stress.  Now I'm no longer addicted, I actually do enjoy life.  Now, I have the higher capacity for self-actualisation and spiritual growth as well, a core inner strength that supports my brains efforts to sustain my health on every level.  Now I know that not drinking enough water is stressful to the brain and so is unhealthy food, no exercise, all work and no play and, lack of self-love.  There's plenty of obvious stressors but there's also plenty of less obvious ones too. Even having anesthetic can be traumatic for the brain because it does not know the difference between going to sleep and dying.  

Life gets better moment by moment and I know the science behind it now too so I know how to help myself.


At+Onement 

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15 May 2016

Feeling good



It looks like my energy is amplifying again.  I'm not sure how I feel about it other than accepting.  A couple of days ago I took the opportunity to live my highest passion for a few hours and yesterday electronics were bouncing all around me:  as I drove to my class I tried to play a meditation cd in the car but it kept jumping.  I tried 3 times to get it to work and it was all garbled and broken.  On the 3rd try, it suddenly just blasted loud white noise at me so I took it out and gave up.  A couple of hours later when I checked my phone on the charger, it had not charged at all in 3 hours!  I got it to work but it kept charging/not charging in my hand for about 5 minutes first.   A few hours after that I got home and walked towards my charging power pack when all of its lights suddenly went out.  I walked away and it lit up again.  I'm feeling really grateful today that I'm living with almost no electricity at home cause I dread to think what might happen.  Toward the end of last year we had two brand new generators blow up-when I walked over to them.  I thought it had all settled down again so yesterday was a surprise but I can now send some of my excess energy into the earth so hopefully today will carry a bit less charge.

A while back I wrote about Emotion (Energy that is in motion in the body).  When my energy amplified last year, I was trying to navigate feelings of rage and despair that had been trapped in my body since infancy.  I've done a lot of work releasing trapped energy from my body over the past 11 years and felt quite ready to explore these Emotions and set my body free of the heaviness of them.  I didn't have much of an understanding of quantum energy though so how could I have known the effect I could potentially have on the electronics.  In my culture that sort of thing only happens in movies and fiction novels.  I spent 6 months curled up in my bed feeling every shitty feeling I'd never felt before and parenting myself through it with unconditional love.  I have to say that giving myself the time and permission to feel every feeling without judgment and then be grateful for the opportunity was unique, precious and extremely rewarding.  I got to heal almost every wound this time. 

That then opened me up to a totally new experience - being fully present in my own body.  I'm still getting used to that and I'm loving it!  Now the Emotion is from feelings like joy, excitement, and bliss and I realise that because I'm not yet familiar with those feelings, my brain does try to push that energy down.  Overthinking was what helped me survive fear, terror, helplessness and the like for almost 50 years so overthinking is trying to save me now but I've got this.  I spent 10 years learning how (and helping others learn) to manage my emotions and re-parent myself at Heal For Life Foundation and today I do my last day of Yoga Of The Mind at Shanti Mission.  I've really got this and for now, I will continue to send the excess energy down onto the earth and feel whatever comes up for me with freedom and compassion.

I'm so glad I've made the choice to be real with myself so I can be free to enjoy my life.

Namaste

At+Onement 

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14 May 2016

Learning from life


I do believe that each soul is here for its own learning in its own way and time.  I have learned so much in my life and I am open to learning everything I can - in my own way.  I remember my mother once did a course called 'Life Experience Counts' and the title of that course often plays in my head, especially when I get people telling me to do more formal education.  I have come to know that my path in life is not about how many degrees and diplomas I can gather to appease the will of others.   I am here to learn at least one new thing every day and to enjoy the learning and where it takes me.  I have enough pieces of paper that I can almost not fit them in an envelope to send as a job application and now I'm learning the most important thing for me of all - how to love and appreciate myself and all the work I've done.

In the past I've never really appreciated anything I've done or who I truly am.  This has meant that through the law of attraction I have drawn to me other people who also do not appreciate me.  It has taken time for me to learn to see it this way and now I am ready, I can stop blaming them for reflecting that and focus on loving and appreciating me more, which I am.  As a Capricorn, a masters in life is a pinnacle of learning and, since I let go of the need to judge myself as 'lacking' because I haven't met 'the grade' of whatever imaginary criticism I invented, I am now enjoying my learning immensely.  I've always enjoyed learning, I just also kept an inner whip handy in case I forgot to be serious and now, the whip is in the trash,  the inner child is squealing with delight, the inner parent is fully equipped to nurture and the inner adult is humming along as it is meant to.  All selves at peace simply because I love me, accept me and appreciate who I am more than trying to push myself to be something else, something more, something different.

I am who I am and I am content and happy with that.  Life will reorder itself around my bliss so the only thing for me to do is to enjoy the learning and I do.

May we all enjoy the moment we are in and the divinity is teaches us to be.

Namaste 🌷🌷🌷🌷

At+Onement 

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13 May 2016

Earned Secure Attachment Is Real



I spent the day today with 8 amazing people while presenting a workshop on Robin Grilles theory of childhood development and wounding.  Even though it's well over 10 years since Robin wrote his incredibly insightful book 'Parenting For A Peaceful World' (Longueville Press, Sydney, Australia, 2005), the book is a timeless classic and is still so relevant and helpful for anyone trying to better understand themselves and/or the world at large.  (www.ouremotional-health.com) .  Grille's book helped me so much to heal the hate I once had for a world that appeared to me to allow abuse.  Once I read it, my heart opened with compassion and empathy for myself and therefore for everybody everywhere.  As we discussed today, combined with 'Growing Up Again' by Connie Dawson and Jean Ilsley Clarke, I found the deepest and healthiest level of healing I had ever imagined.  These two books were like almanacs for me, handbooks for healthy self-reparenting.  Combined with learning about Mary Maine's brilliant recognition that anyone with an insecure attachment style can gain 'Earned Secure Attachment', I have been able to heal from disoriented/disorganized attachment to earned secure attachment within 5 years.  That is an awesome effort and it feels wonderful to be able to finally believe positive thoughts that I once could not imagine even having.

It felt really good today to feel like I was helping others again by just being myself.  It also felt good to go over this information that I know so well and take it in from the level of self love and compassion I have now.  It gave me an opportunity to really acknowledge and thank myself for how far I've come and just how vital it is for me to keep trusting myself no matter what anyone else says or thinks.  I mean, now that I am practicing to remember soul mirrors and reflections it is about flipping things all the time for me.  With this in mind I can begin to look at how anyone who does criticise me is really only reflecting back what I think of myself and I can then choose to forgive us both and let it go.

Looking at how many layers I've now waded through, I'm very happy with where I'm at and I'm feeling very grateful for the 8 courageous people who helped me have such a special and validating day.

πŸ’›πŸ’›πŸ’›πŸ’›πŸ’›πŸ’›

At+Onement 

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12 May 2016



More from the garden:

We haven't done a lot to the chakra garden in the past week as we've both been really busy.  We've planted chokoes, which have already sprouted beautiful, healthy leaves.  We also prepared tyres for the wandering plants like potato and pumpkin.  The day before yesterday I walked around the garden and noted that 2 of the sections were wilted, the base and heart chakras.  Upon visiting a healer on Tuesday for validation, I also realised that as my throat chakra has been my captain for so long, now that Ajna is awakening, there is some further preparation needed by me.  I had been wondering about the throat and Ajna beds as they still need digging in and planting out but now I will trust. Everything happens in its own right time and this will too.  I will continue to support my throat in letting go and my brow in strengthening.

I have to say that I do feel excited about how plump, healthy, and happy the plants are looking all around.  I've been really focusing on self love and on grounding the Divine into my being and it's working.  Not only are my plants in base chakra blossoming well but I am actually able to feel energy in that chakra now for the first time ever.  Considering the blocks I once had manifested as multiple major spinal disabilities, feeling that energy is so exciting and validating-I knew in my gut I could heal that.

My solar plexus is beginning to bloom too.  After a lifetime of low self esteem, abuse and feelings of worthlessness and shame, Ignite Your Spirit therapy is really paying off and the butter beans are practically beaming in their beds.  The tiny chard seedlings in the solar plexus section of my garden were really too small to plant out but I blessed them and trusted and they are as hardy as I am too, coming along nicely.

The crown chakra beds look lush but some bug has got in to munch on the purple kale so I will see a change after this weekends Yoga Of The Mind class I am attending at Shanti Mission.  The heart chakra beds have the most abundance and are greening up nicely since the sweep I had.

We've got a bit of work to do inside and out but with this wonderful new metaphorical mirror that we call a garden, with faith and self love, this is going to be one majorly exciting adventure, it already is 
πŸ™πŸ½πŸ™πŸ½πŸŒ·πŸŒ·πŸ‘ΌπŸΌπŸ‘ΌπŸΌπŸ’™πŸ’™πŸŒΎπŸŒΎ❤️❤️

At+Onement 

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11 May 2016



Recognising that no one but me is responsible for my happiness and learning how to re-parent myself in a nurturing way has changed my life in amazing ways.  Not only am I happy now, I also draw people to me now who respect me as I do.  I've come to see how all of those people in my past that did not respect me were mirrors of my attitudes toward myself and some of them were quite abusive, as I was abusing myself.  I forgive myself and them for that now as I've learned what I needed to from it and now choose to let it all go.

Now that I've healed enough to flow through most of my feelings without remaining stuck in them, I am seeing more and more reflections emerging from my past.  Once this would have frightened me but not now, I am able now to engage my inner parent to navigate this stage and not place the unreasonable pressure onto my inner adult or child selves to do it.  I've seen and heard many people malign the inner child as the reason why their life is awful or why the people around them are so hard to cope with.  I've heard others extolling the virtues of the inner adult as being the only real help for a dominant inner child.  What Transactional Analysis (TA) tells me though is that without an inner parent, there is not going to be healthy functioning.  The child is the 'feelings' I have, the adult is just a 'computer processor', and these two cannot understand each other at all.  It is the inner parent who can mediate and interpret, to nurture the child and provide information the adult needs on an internal level to bring some balance to the whole.  

TA is just a way to understand our own ego which is in fact, just our own energy.  As everything in existence is now known to be energy, having an understanding of our own energy can have a real and positive impact on our lives.  I know it has on mine.  We don't need to have had wonderful experiences to create wonderful experiences now, we simply need to want to do it.  In my old pessimist mindset, I was still able to create wonderful experiences because I was unconsciously drawn to create them.  It is the inner child that drove that while my inner adult tried desperately to stop it through reasoning that pessimists can't be optimistic.  My inner adult did not have love to inform it because my inner parent was hyper-critical and rescuing.  The real change came in learning and developing a nurturing inner parent.  Now, my inner child can feel the energy within me, the adult can process the information and provide solutions and, the inner nurturing parent can comfort the child, translate for the adult and provide the balance of love that both the adult and child need to coexist harmoniously so I can BE happy and at peace within myself.

The more that I allow my feelings to rise up within me, the more aware I become that life is a pattern on loop for me.  The experiences I am perceiving are not new, I've perceived these before.  I was unable to notice them once, believing each new experience was some horrible cosmic joke at my expense and then despairing of anything good ever really materializing in my life.  Before the age of 30, I came to see that I was pessimistic although I had no idea how to change it then and now I accept that I wasn't quite ready.  Over time I have created a much more positive reality and it was simple but it was not easy.  Re-parenting the child within has not only made it easier and safer to feel and express my feelings, it has also brought joy and happiness to my life in everyday, small ways and large.  The other incredible bonus is that, now my inner adult is not trying to parent my child self, it can do what it was designed to and so my mind is operating at a more advanced and functional level too.  I can now process information much more effectively than ever before and no longer feel stupid or dumb.

With time, patience, practice, information and support, we can all learn to bring our own energy, and therefore our own lives, into balance.  It is the child within who will urge us forward, the adult can gather the information we need to proceed safely and the parent who can keep us safe. Without all three functioning, the ride can be bumpy.  Please don't forget that their are 3 states in TA, not 2.  I've seen some awful transactions between people who have misunderstood the importance of all 3 and they have been very hurt or have hurt others very badly.  For TA is one way to understand the pains and the joys of life and actually embrace the power to change them if we want to.

At+Onement 

Http://jhundip.blogspot.com/

#love #light #innerchild #soul #angels #mindfulness #gratitude #healing #trauma #depression #selflove #inspiration #quote #selfworth #inspiringquotes #spirit #ascension #awakening #raiseyourvibration #spiritualhealing #neuroscienceinaction