As much as I am sure that God has faith in me & I in God, faith is easily tested and prayers can be forgotten in moments of trial. I believe it is those very moments when hardship threatens to overwhelm that faith has been created for and vice versa.
In her song "held" Natalie Grant sings that "the promise was, when everything fell we'd be held". I believe that too. Not for me a human God who would do nothing while I suffered! No, my God held me through the suffering so that I WOULD survive it. My God showed me seemingly tiny miracles that I refused to see. My God believed in me even when I turned away and my God shone Light into the blackest blackness to call me home again. My God gave me the one thing so long ago that could make me fight to win - my children and, my God fought beside me when I began to lose the battle.
I never knew any of that at the time and I was not ready to know. I am now, and I know God still carries me across every bridge, still walks with me through the deepest agonies, still loves me without any strings attached and I love my God. As I weather another storm and ride another wave of doubt, my God cries out through the darkness of my humanity to call my soul into the light, and I will follow willingly, for now I'm ready to be who I am created to be and my faith is pure and unbreakable - I love you God and I will follow you wherever you lead xxxx
30 Apr 2012
15 Apr 2012
Catching up
Hello again, it's been a while since I felt able to spare time for this blog. I have a new job, a new place to live and a new challenge.
It's week 14 in my new job and I love it! I'm making lots of mistakes (=learning) and there are many huge challenges but I really am enjoying it and I'm enjoying my life more too. I have almost no time to myself but it feels really good to be working full-time again and paying tax. I am very grateful for the pension I received while I worked hard at healing my mind/body/spirit from the brokenness of the past and now I have an income again, I'm trying really hard to create a new mindset for the way I view money too. I have savings for only the 2nd time ever and it feels good! I have an account for car costs and an account for utilities. Every week, after I pay my rent, I deposit money into each account and then buy food, petrol, etc. I even have some left over! I'm really happy with how that's going and I thank God for the opportunity to learn. In my old life, when I had heaps of money ($120,000 p/a), I felt completely powerless in how to use it and although I thought I was responsible with money, I gave my power away, to it and to others so this new finacial awareness is refreshing
My new home is gorgeous. It is small and it is easy to keep clean, which is great with my health issues. I can actually vacuum now - I just take my time and not push myself to 'get into it' like I once would have. I have a massive Bhudda head in my loungeroom which inspires me to remember God/Love in my life and I have treated myself to a new comforter set for my bed which is bright and fresh and cheerful, in colours that remind me of the sea. Although my man is only here 1 or 2 days each week and I miss him when he's not, I am also enjoying my own company in a way I never have before - hell, I used to hate being alone with me and would distract myself constantly but now - I love who I am becoming and I feel inspired by all of the amazing people in my life to keep growing, learning and being.
Yep, I love the way my life is right now and I've even started dreaming of one day owning my own hoe again - hopefully, I won't give the next one away :)
It's week 14 in my new job and I love it! I'm making lots of mistakes (=learning) and there are many huge challenges but I really am enjoying it and I'm enjoying my life more too. I have almost no time to myself but it feels really good to be working full-time again and paying tax. I am very grateful for the pension I received while I worked hard at healing my mind/body/spirit from the brokenness of the past and now I have an income again, I'm trying really hard to create a new mindset for the way I view money too. I have savings for only the 2nd time ever and it feels good! I have an account for car costs and an account for utilities. Every week, after I pay my rent, I deposit money into each account and then buy food, petrol, etc. I even have some left over! I'm really happy with how that's going and I thank God for the opportunity to learn. In my old life, when I had heaps of money ($120,000 p/a), I felt completely powerless in how to use it and although I thought I was responsible with money, I gave my power away, to it and to others so this new finacial awareness is refreshing
My new home is gorgeous. It is small and it is easy to keep clean, which is great with my health issues. I can actually vacuum now - I just take my time and not push myself to 'get into it' like I once would have. I have a massive Bhudda head in my loungeroom which inspires me to remember God/Love in my life and I have treated myself to a new comforter set for my bed which is bright and fresh and cheerful, in colours that remind me of the sea. Although my man is only here 1 or 2 days each week and I miss him when he's not, I am also enjoying my own company in a way I never have before - hell, I used to hate being alone with me and would distract myself constantly but now - I love who I am becoming and I feel inspired by all of the amazing people in my life to keep growing, learning and being.
Yep, I love the way my life is right now and I've even started dreaming of one day owning my own hoe again - hopefully, I won't give the next one away :)
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